Uh oh. I bleached my hair. Whilst watching The Big Bang Theory I went from a very dark shade of brown, which I have lived with my entire 22 years, to some luminous shade of yellow/orange. I'm not completely upset about the colour outcome, in fact it seems to be others who have to instantly give me tips on toners and great greying shampoos. I had no real expectation of what colour it would turn out to be, and you know I personally think the random darker patches give it all some depth. In the adverts Eva Longoria is always talking about high lights and low lights, I just managed to do it in one badly applied stroke. I was more concerned about my hair falling out, some may have thought this a better out come.
Anyway this was far more than just dying my hair, this was a personal mile stone, an emotional hurdle one has to overcome to really feel lived or something like that. One thing to tick off the list of regrettable mistakes you can only make when this stupid and young. Next on the list, a tattoo or possibly some lipo!
With the price of a pint rising by, what feels like, a £1 a month, and bars beefing up their security so much so that you start wandering whether they actually want anybody within the bar and not just standing outside in the que having orafices checked or in tiny smoking 'shame' pens. Somehow your traditional night out seems to be losing alot of its original appeal.
Thankfully a revolution in drinking is upon us, we've all done it before, mostly when younger, but now is time for regression not recession and there feels even more reason to ignore Boris and welcome in the golden era of Top Deck parties.
In fact Mr Johnsons decision to remove our god given right to crack open a Strongbow Super, stumble up those tricky stairs and sing Leona Lewis for unknown fellow passengers whilst your backing dancers swing enthusiatically from the poles, is what has given Bus shindigs that little bit of danger and excitement it needed to be pushed into the modern day. Just remember to avoid opening alcoholic beverages before boarding as doing otherwise can lead to some tricky hiding of cans under armpits, and whatever you do, never under any circumstances light up. One person smoking can ruin it for the whole crew of Transport rebels. If what you are doing only effects you, other passengers don't care. If it effects them, suddenly they are part time community wardens.
Now go buy a day bus pass, fill a 2ltr water bottle with vodka and Coca-Cola (50/50), find a scenic route and roll with it. Ding ding! next stop, drunk.
Not since the classic trance take on the Braveheart theme (genius), has there been such a brave yet inappropriate remix of a song most would shy away from even attempting to to give 180bpm makeover. Yet some one has trumped it, at least with braveness anyway. I give you.... Hallelujah in the mix!!!
OK so its not exactly what I hoped for, but it fulfills something quite special inside my soul that I was completely unaware was missing. To some it may be a little musically sacrilegious , but to be honest I think those people undoubtedly lost faith in the future dignity of the song, when its owner sold it to Simon Cowell for a bajillion pounds, to be X-tracted of any of its original emotional value and instead replaced with a beautiful gold dollar value sticker instead.
Personally I would have held back some what on the cheap synthesizer piano riff and maybe thrown in a little bit of vocal. Say, some squeaky sped up Scooter style chorus or even some VOCODER! Everyone loves vocoder , or this super popular Auto-Tune effect which seems to have been spunked over every current Hip-Pop tune going. Imagine Alexandra/Leonard/Jeff/Rufus (delete as appropriate)with some brill Cher-like vocals. Yum.
I guess I'm not actually posting the song because I love it, instead because I love the idea. I know for a fact given the right amount of booze and poppers, my captivated club audience (amazingly I have a small one) would be dancing they're woes away and casting any previous doubts of the song to the gutter. In the gutter, because after posting this, anyone who was even considering booking me as a selector of quality music has suddenly lost my phone number, and the only place you will hear me play is in the street, off of my phone.
Oh who am I kidding this is just a glorified ring tone. Some one please create an amazing remix of Hallelujah for me, you didn't get me anything for my birthday.
Anyway in honour of the 'song' I now present you with some of my personal favourite inappropriate mixes, inappropriate is the wrong word, lets say unexpected with a pinch of mild disgust. Start running a bath, you will feel very dirty by the end of this.
The previously mentioned Braveheart theme.
Mr Ludvig Beethovens Moonlight Sonata on Serbian speed pills.
I don't even know what I can say about this, except maybe, I'm sorry.
