The theme tune to my premature downfall

Not since the classic trance take on the Braveheart theme (genius), has there been such a brave yet inappropriate remix of a song most would shy away from even attempting to to give 180bpm makeover. Yet some one has trumped it, at least with braveness anyway. I give you.... Hallelujah in the mix!!!

OK so its not exactly what I hoped for, but it fulfills something quite special inside my soul that I was completely unaware was missing. To some it may be a little musically sacrilegious , but to be honest I think those people undoubtedly lost faith in the future dignity of the song, when its owner sold it to Simon Cowell for a bajillion pounds, to be X-tracted of any of its original emotional value and instead replaced with a beautiful gold dollar value sticker instead.

Personally I would have held back some what on the cheap synthesizer piano riff and maybe thrown in a little bit of vocal. Say, some squeaky sped up Scooter style chorus or even some VOCODER! Everyone loves vocoder , or this super popular Auto-Tune effect which seems to have been spunked over every current Hip-Pop tune going. Imagine Alexandra/Leonard/Jeff/Rufus (delete as appropriate)with some brill Cher-like vocals. Yum.

I guess I'm not actually posting the song because I love it, instead because I love the idea. I know for a fact given the right amount of booze and poppers, my captivated club audience (amazingly I have a small one) would be dancing they're woes away and casting any previous doubts of the song to the gutter. In the gutter, because after posting this, anyone who was even considering booking me as a selector of quality music has suddenly lost my phone number, and the only place you will hear me play is in the street, off of my phone.

Oh who am I kidding this is just a glorified ring tone. Some one please create an amazing remix of Hallelujah for me, you didn't get me anything for my birthday.

Anyway in honour of the 'song' I now present you with some of my personal favourite inappropriate mixes, inappropriate is the wrong word, lets say unexpected with a pinch of mild disgust. Start running a bath, you will feel very dirty by the end of this.

The previously mentioned Braveheart theme.

Mr Ludvig Beethovens Moonlight Sonata on Serbian speed pills.

I don't even know what I can say about this, except maybe, I'm sorry.

Put it in your diary.

Jason Nevins truly rules my remix world. Yes the same Jason Nevins from the classic 90s rejig of Run DMCs 'Its like that'.

Any good pop song from the last 5 years at least, which you hoped some one, some where had remixed, has in fact probably been remixed already by this god of unnecessary mixes.

Hes almost prolific in his dedication to jazzing (not the bad kind of jazzing, like actual jazz, the good kind, like "ooh i feel jazzy from that kilo of mandy in me blood") up Kelly Clarkson songs. Even the sad slow ones. To be honest i often enjoy them most. There is nothing like a little cry whilst staring at a laser on pills, surrounded by a bajillion sweaty friends. Its my version of a crank (a crying wank, as recommended by my friend Gareth).

So today, the 20th of October, is officially Jason Nevins Remix day on The Dazzle Diaries. This is also because, if I stop listening to dance remixes of Leona Lewis I will start to remember that the reason i want to cry is because i just had my phone, laptop and iPod stolen from my room at a party we had on Friday, and i will feel too sad and die. Anyway blah blah blah I didn't even like them that much.

So here for your aural enjoyment are a few handpicked JN mixes. They're not the most, amazing, original mixes ever but, they most defiantly get the job done. Go on, let go and enjoy. and maybe cry at the same time. I will be.

p.s Don't you think he's getting good at those sexy eyes, or 'smiling with your eyes' as Miss Banks would say.

Ummm and for all those High School Musical fans out there, I didn't even know JN had done these remixes until I searched for the others on the Tube, they are, for want of word, strangely enthralling/disgusting.