Personally I can devour a whole 20 pack of Kraft cheese singles in under half an hour, and not feel at all unwell or even guilty. Because lets face it cheese isn't good for you in the first place, does it matter that its been bent, twisted, melted, mechanically engineered and shaped like a perfect dreidel, that can sing Jew songs? I don't think so. Tastes some where within the realm of cheese to me, then thumbs up all round. So yes I was browsing the cheeses, and secretly chewing on some 11p beef (I kid not, but don't worry I didn't pay for it) when I came across a fun time cheese that I hadn't encountered before,or at least I hadn't given enough time before I chomped it up, to really register its details.
This my friends is Strip Cheese. Now the fact that its strippable cheese means nothing but good things to me. Who eats anything 'normally' these days anyway. Pah only dickheads and losers use forks. What did strike me this time, which I hadn't been stricken by before was the name. Now presumably, and I think this is a fair assumption, this product was largely painstakingly designed and marketed towards the younger/stupider end of the dairy market. Like 4yr olds, retards and what not. So why, i wander, has it got a name that quite obviously is referring to sexy dancing?! STRIP TEASE! Argh!
Don't get me wrong, I know what these kids are like nowadays, with their sugar pussy dolls and their Junior learner g-strings. You can't sell a Miley Cyrus CD to a toddler, without her flashing her fanny around in some fishnets. But really, does cheese even need to be sold sexy? I for one, try and avoid the collaboration and confusion between sex and cheese at all costs. Theirs something about the fat from off milk I don't find that trouser arousing. I guess I must prepare myself for future unnecessarily sexy groceries. Can't wait for Somerfield to start stocking Kingsmill Good head bread and Muller penis yoghurt.
Eventually after feeling personally manhandled and abused by the dirrrty (like Xtina Aguilera) Dairylea Strip Cheese, I settled on some lovely cheese and ham in a tube called Primula. It had a cute little mouse on it. I ate it straight from the tube as I waddled through the drizzle down Walworth rd. I felt pure again. 